When Old Women Attack - 2

Okay to make that long equation into a word problem. (I know engineers, stop cringing. It will be okay.)

It was a bright and sunny day in Georgia. I had just finished lunch at my home and was taking the “scenic” route back to work. Minding my own business, I was brutally attacked by an escaped older woman. Well okay, let me start again. That seemed a little vague and evil (more vague than evil).

Like I said I was driving back to work. I was almost there when all of a sudden a car appeared out of nowhere in front of me. I slammed on the brakes but it was no use. The car was only about 2 feet away from my car when it pulled out in front of it. I crashed into the side of the darkly painted Camry. My driver and passenger side airbags deployed. The passenger side bag shattered my windshield. The car filled with smoke and the horn blared uncontrollably. I sat there wondering what had just happed, why that car just darted in front of me, why it was smoking in the car, and what I should do next. I started to cough hysterically from the smoke. I came to my sense and got out of the car.

My eyes followed from my door up to my crinkled hood and my demolished bumper. Then to the other car. The driver was an prehistoric lady that looked as stunned as I did. When she saw me out of my car she attempted to leave hers. However, being that I T-boned her right into the driver side door, her efforts to open it were futile. Finally, she crawled over to the passenger side door where I meet her. I asked her if she was okay, and she said yes. Then she asked me if I was okay, and I said yes. Then she looked at me and said, “Did I stop?” To which I was so stunned and wanted to say “well you have now, honey” but I behaved myself. Then I got to listen to a constant stream of her telling me that the intersection was a bad one.

The less then youthful lady pulled out her phone. I asked her if she was going to call the police. To which she said she didn’t know the number. “911?” I answered but she had already started dialing her husband. I thought that I should have someone come too. But who? I have just moved and I know no one. I thought about calling my friend that was at my house, but he had no wheels. Then I thought I had to call my bosses because they would be expecting me at work any minute. Then I called the police but being new, I didn’t know the name of the road that the slightly younger than dirt lady was on. And being it was Peachtree City I couldn’t find a street sign amongst the trees. Apparently, someone had called it in and the police car pulled up.

Both of us were shuffled into the back of the ambulance where they tested her blood pressure and then mine. The medic said that he would take my pressure over my coat. Knowing that would be worthless, I took my coat off anyway. The police officer came in and asked me for my licenses. As I was digging in my purse another medic asks me to fill out some information. I start to do that, and the police officer starts to tell the fossilized woman where our cars were being towed. I needed to hear this but I was filling out the form and trying to find my purse. Not surprising my blood pressure was through the roof. Not that being in a car accident, moving around, and writing with the same arm as the blood purse machine was on would have anything to do with a 157/97. The medic was very concerned but didn’t do anything. (Just for the record, I just had a 120/80 from the doctor last week.)

The police asked us for our statements. The cavewoman said that she came to the intersection and stopped at her stop sign and then went but didn’t see me. I said “yes, she pulled right in front of me.” To which the mature woman said “well, well she was speeding!” The cop looked at her and said “how do you know she was speeding if you didn’t see her?” To which the prehistoric woman said to the cop, “how do you know she wasn’t if you weren’t even here!?” Yes, I need not talk at all she was doing a fine job digging her own hole. Needless to say, she was sited for failing to yield to on coming traffic. I was not faulted at all. Now I am driving a Mazda that her insurance company is paying for.