Sweet Home Alabama or Boone Dock Saints?

I googled PTC when I moved here as any good geek would do. I got the general information, all the articles about it being a great place to live, and then I found on interesting fact. PTC was a filming place for Sweet Home Alabama. Although, when it first came out I avoided the romantic vomit like the plague, I went out and bought the movie. I put the movie in the DVD player, pushed play, and sat and watched for PTC scenes. The first screen appeared – “Not enough trees.” The second screen appeared – “Still not enough trees.” I could tell that this was going to be a long night. Finally, there was a shot of nothing but tree tops. This had to be it. And then a plane came down over the trees and landed in Peachtree Lake. Satisfied that I saw my new home town in a movie and completely dissatisfied with the movie itself, I put the movie on the shelf to collect dust. And there it sat until Oscar night.

I had just sat down to watch the Oscars with my supper and the phone rang. Grrr… I answered. It was my neighbor asking if I owned Sweet Home Alabama. Embarrassed, I said “Yes.” She asks to borrow it. So during the commercials, I jump up and grab the dusty movie. I ran out the door and then it happened. The door shut behind me. I was officially locked out of my house. Barefoot, I walked over to my neighbor’s, lent them the movie and asked them to call our landlord.

The landlord said that he would not come out and unlock the door. He suggested a lock smith. It was Sunday at 9pm in PTC. Who was going to be open? Then my landlord suggested that I come out to borrow one of his keys, although he didn’t know if he had one for my house. So I asked him how he gets into my place with out one. Apparently the keys are joy riding in his truck with his brother. Okay, great.

So at this point my landlord suggested that I come to his place and pick up a bunch of keys that may open my doors. I point out that I locked myself out, how was I supposed to get to his place in Newnan? “Can’t you get into your garage?” he asks me. Well yeah I can, but I’m not sure how to explain to the car rental place why I had to hot wire the car. So I finally ask my neighbor to give me a lift. My neighbor jumps at the chance because he didn’t want to watch that crappy movie with his wife anyway.

With hand written directions and some borrowed slippers, we are off on our adventure to Newnan. I was very dark by then. We drive through Newnan and check the directions: Drive to the “middle of no where” and “kiss your butt goodbye” and make a left. I didn’t remember seeing this place in Sweet Home Alabama. My neighbor makes a comment about getting beat up down here. I tell him to run all the stops. Then I look at the next direction. “Turn left at the corner with a church.” Gee…so specific. It is the Bible Belt and all.

Just then a critter ran across the road. “What was that!?” my neighbor exclaimed! “I think it was a cat.” I said. He thought it was a rabbit because it was kind of hopping. I said it mush have been a confused hopping cat.

It was getting even darker out and even scarier. I was just about ready to crawl in the back to get the tire iron out when we pulled up to the lane that was marked in the directions. It was too scary for words. You couldn’t see a house or any light from the road. The truck’s headlights shown on the many uninviting trees. A large cast iron gate guarded the property. My landlord must have purchased it from an Addams’ Family movie sale. We sat there looking at the property and at each other. We had come all this way but neither of us wanted to go up. We called the landlord and he tells us to come up. We muster up enough courage and the truck slowly crept up the long windy lane.

Finally we see the house. The landlord comes out and hands me about 20-25 keys. He tells me that he doesn’t know what key goes to which of his rental properties. Great, now I have all the keys to his places. Hmmm…time for one quick robbery? NO! We need to get out of this twilight zone! I thanked my landlord and we high tailed it out of there.

We start reading the directions backwards. All of a sudden, “What the h*ll is that!” Up a head there was something sitting in the middle of the road. We get closer. It is a possum! It was the biggest possum I have ever seen in my entire life! We got closer. The possum didn’t budge. It was so big it looked like it could eat a Mac truck. My neighbor’s little truck didn’t stand a chance. The possum was staring us down and it was winning. It had a “you don’t belong here” look on its face. Or maybe that was just a constipated look. Either way, I didn’t want to stick around to find out. We swerved and almost hit the ditch. Over the tracks…as long as we could get over the tracks we should be saved. As we went over, I saw a light on the tracks. My neighbor saw it too but he didn’t want to stick around to find out what it was. In a complete miracle we found our way out and back to the safety of PTC.

Now, I have 25 keys. Which one, if any, will unlock my door? I felt like I was on the Price is Right. I try the first one. It opens the door! I won! I won my cold supper! YEAH!!! I thank my neighbor and he was just happy he made it there and back alive. And more importantly, he didn’t have to watch that stupid movie.