O the joys of nature

This morning started off like every other evil morning in Georgia. My alarm went off; I hit snooze; and that darn bird started up again. Yes, I know we should all love nature and try to save it and blah blah blah vomit. Where did I put that arsenic? Um…anyway….I have a crazy bird that lives outside my window. It is trying to hook up with my alarm clock. It has learned to mimic the exact pitch and patter of my alarm. So every day from my room you can hear “zonk, zonk, zonk” (alarm clock) SMACK (snooze) “zonk, zonk, zonk” (slightly challenged Georgia bird). So I got up and tried not to think about what kind of animal/machine would come from an alarm clock – bird mating and headed to the bathroom to beautify myself for the day.

After getting all beautified to go sit in my office by myself all day I stepped outside. I was hit! Hit by the smell of smoke. Now being that I live in the middle of a forest, smoke seems to bother me a bit more than it used to. I looked around. Didn’t see anything burning? The smoke was kind of thin, so I determined that it must be from somewhere other than my neighborhood. I got in my car and drove to work. I stepped out of my car and there it was again. This mysterious smoke was really starting to bother me. Hmmm…well I did what any logical person does when they smell smoke; I checked the internet for news. I figured it was coming from the big tire burning in Butts County Georgia. Which is only a few counties over from me. Later I would find out it was smoke from the Georgia/Florida border fire some 300 miles away. (I think it is a new illegal immigration tactic Sonny Perdue is putting into place. They are wicked serous about illegals around here. I have no idea why anyone would fight to get into Georgia!)

Anyway, I go home to find I was not the only one worried about this mystery smoke. I saw Chris Mac sitting on the fireplace with the fire extinguisher. I asked Chris what was up. To which I got, “well I’m guarding the resort from the fire. And it will come in at the fireplace because that is where the fire belongs.” Ok, well I guess that makes sense to a sheep. Then I asked, "Chris do you know how to use a fire extinguisher?" Chris, "Yup, just like a grenade. I see it all the time in movies." O great. I explained to Chris that the fire was really far aways and that we just had to watch out not to breath too much of the smoke. We were in the orange zone but we would be fine inside. Then I got a little worried because Chris is the brightest sheep in the herd at the resort. (But Chris is still a sheep, so…)

Chris Mac guarding the fireplace.

Then I heard some thumping from the laundry room. I enter and there was Jesse in the dryer. I asked Jesse, “Why are you in the dryer?” To which Jesse said, “Well I was going to climb into the washer to hide from the fire in water because I know water beats fire. But then the washer was too heigh so I climbed in the dryer instead.” Hmmm…more sheep logic. I told Jesse that it was safe to come out.

Jesse hiding in the dryer.

Now there is one more sheep that lives at the resort D.J. I can only image what D.J. got into. I looked and looked and finally I found D.J. behind the door in the den. I asked D.J., “What are you doing! And why are you behind the door?” D.J. looked at me with teared eyes and said, “I’m hiding from the fire. It won’t find me behind the door. And I got these candles to fight the fire if it does find me. And if I couldn’t fight the fire with fire than I have this cornstarch to throw on it.” O dear. Good thing I have sheep safety on the lighter. I said, “D.J. were did you get this idea to use fire and cornstarch to fight the fire?” D.J., “well, I heard on the news that they were building fires to stop the fires. And I’ve seen you cook.” Hmmm…okay. Then I asked, “D.J. what is with the cooking sherry?” D.J. replied, “Just in case.” O the sheep logic is strong with this one.

D.J. and the cooking sherry.

So after getting everything put back where it belonged I sat the sheep down and we had a conversation. I explained that the fire was very very far away. I told them that it was very safe in Georgia. (Some times you have to lie to sheep so they can sleep at night. It is hard for them to count themselves.) So I got all the sheep settled down. Then it started rain. And I said, “See the rain will keep fire away.” And then we saw lightning.

Poor sheep.