High Ho High Ho, it’s off to work I go OR I love the smell of NAPALM in the morning

This dreary Monday morning I pulled my aching body out of bed and began my mundane task of getting ready for work. I realized that I had not made any lunch so I decided to stop by subway on my way to work. I drove to subway. As I entered I noted that they had a sign saying they were no longer taking church bulletins for sub discounts on Sunday. Guess there is no reason for anyone to go to church any more. Hmmm…

I stood in the empty subway while a young lady was writing down information from a posting on the wall. She looked up and then went back to her work. She seemed rather in a hurry. There was no one behind the counter. I stood there a while listening to the music. The writing girl got up and walked swiftly out the door. Very odd.

I stood there by myself now. I started to wonder if I was too early. It was about 9:05 when I came in. After a little longer I started to feel uneasy. That uneasy feeling you see people in horror movies get when they enter that diner that seems perfectly fine but all the staff are folded up in the back with all their life juices sucked out of them. Ya, and then they start to leave and the monster gets them too. I looked at the door. No signs of life anywhere. I wondered if this was finally it. Would I go in a Subway restaurant? How inhumane. I started to edge my way to the door when two Subway Artists came around the corner. I should have guessed. You know artists and their punctuality.

They saw me and the older artist acknowledged my presents with a slightly turned down frown. She continued to fill her meatballs and then finally came over to take my order. I ordered my usual, “6” wheat with roast beef and American cheese.” And I got my usual reply: “What kind of bread did you want? What did you want on it?” I don’t know why I even bother to form words the fist time around. Then to the toppings. I again ordered my usual: “lettuce, tomato, and black olives, that’s it thank you.” And I got my usual reply: “no mayo, mustard, horseradish, oil...?” with a look of “your sandwich is going to be dry.” Yes I know thank you for your concern. At least the lady that calls me baby wasn’t there.

The second artist was clumsily working at the register. She looked at her co-worker and said “you have to do a start up before you can ring anyone up. I don’t know how to do that.” So I waited for the register to turn on. I looked at the older worker who was working on starting up the register. I said “what time do you open?” thinking that the hours were wrong on the door. “Seven o’clock,” she said. “O,” I replied, guess the door hours are right. I thanked them for my sandwich and sulked out the door. I really didn’t have the time to spend 10 minutes at subway.

I got in my car and drove over the water and through the woods to the rest of the way to work. Just as I started to turn into my parking lot I was rudely jolted awake by the helicopter talking off from over the hill on the left of me. That is not where it normally parks! Holy crap, it came close…maybe it just seemed close as I didn’t sign up for choppers taking off next to me at work. I don’t want to be all I can be. Just leave me alone.

I pulled into a parking stall and turned off the engine. Hmmm….I thought. Maybe I should call to see if I was insured for helicopter accidents. Would there be any way that I could be at fault if my little Matrix and a helicopter went at it? Really even if I was driving 120 miles per hour, backwards, with my eyes closed, I think the chopper would have to be at fault. Am I wrong? Well I don’t want to be in the market for a new car or any new guts so I went inside and hid under my desk for the rest of the day.