Food Shopping

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How Many Maintenance Men Does it Take to Change a Light Bulb?

Recently I have gone on a business trip to Florida. My flight back to Georgia was scheduled for 4:50 to 6:30 pm. As we sat at the gate waiting to board we saw all the passages get off the plane at the normal 4:15. 4:30 rolls around and we should be boarding. The screen still says that our flight is on time and the plane is there so no worries. 4:40 comes and goes and then 4:50. But no worries because the screen still says the flight is on time. It is in the 5 o’clock hour and someone gets on the intercom and informs the passengers that a light has been cracked and it will be a half hour before the maintenance man can get there to change it. But it will only take about 10 minutes to change. We wait, other flights board and leave. We wait 30 minutes. No maintenance man. We wait, another 10 minutes. The intercom blares, “Airtran to Atlanta: maintenance is here so it should only be a few more minutes. If you look out the window you can see maintenance working.” 10 minutes later, we wait. Looking out the window it seems like there are just a bunch of men meandering around. We wait and wait.

Finally, the intercom says they are going to start boarding. A line has formed in front of the door. I walk up and the intercom blares “We are now boarding Zone 1 for Atlanta.” I’m Zone 1, I look at the line. No one is moving. I ask the first person in line if they are Zone 1. No, no one is. I surpass the line and am the first one on board. I find my seat and sit down. The seat is exceedingly slanted. I switch the cushion with the one next to it. It is still slanted. I switch it back. The seat also has a big space between the cushion and the back. I joke with my colleague that I’m going to end up ripping my britches on my seat before the flight is over. No one else is boarding. It takes about 20 minutes to get everyone on the plane. The plane is only about a quarter of the way full.

After take off, which was after the time when we were supposed to land, I decide that I cannot sit in a crooked seat for the entire flight. As soon as I get a chance I jump up and snag a seat in the front row of coach. I sit. The seat is wet. I can’t get out because I am now getting asked what I want to drink and the fasten seatbelt sign was still on. As soon as the stewards turned to get my drink I jumped up and ran back to my nice dry slanted seat.

The pilot must have had a thing about staying at the same altitude. I felt like I was on a rollercoaster instead of an airplane. But it was okay because soon enough the pilot informs us that he has started his decent. I mutter under my breath “no sh@$” as it was clear by the nose dive the plane was in. The flight intercom then states “We will be landing soon. Please, put your seats in their full and upright position, tray tables locked, and fasten your seatbelt.” I fasten my seat belt and it breaks. I laugh with shear disbelief. Amazing we landed and got off the plane with out dying. It was only an hour and a half later then when we were supposed to land. What a great first business trip.

Slueth

It was a dark and stormy night; a murder had been committed at the Sleepy Sheepy Resort. The victim was still missing. The weapon left smoke but was unfound. There were no witnesses. Erin was in the den watching television. She rose to go to the kitchen. Opening the door, she was bombarded with a strong smoke smell.

Erin entered the kitchen. The kitchen had a stove, refrigerator, dishwasher, and a sink. There was a large kitchen table. Erin’s reading glasses were on the table. A small candle sat on the kitchen table as well. Erin picked up her reading glasses. Detective Erin examined the candle. The candle was never lit. Detective Erin examined the stove. The stove was a gas stove. All 3 pilot lights were lit.

The detective entered the living room. The living room had a couch, a love seat, and an overstuffed chair surrounding a fireplace. Detective Erin examined the fireplace. The fireplace had a log that was not burnt.

The work room was then entered. A washer and dryer sat in the middle of the room. A small water heat is in the corner. Detective Erin examined the water heater. The heater’s pilot light was lit.

Detective Erin left the house. The neighbor had just arrived home. The detective questioned the neighbor. “I have been away all night. There is no smoke in my house,” said the neighbor.

The detective reentered the resort. She entered the bedroom. A large bed was in the middle of the room. The detective examined it. She fell asleep.

The next day Erin was in the kitchen and started to unload the dishwasher. Dun, dun, dun!!! There in the dishwasher was a poor slotted spoon that had fallen off the rake and to its death by the heating coil below. Stumpy has lived a long and happy life. At the age of 4 he became length impaired. At Sleepy Sheepy Resort, we encourage stumpy to continue with his cooking tasks even though he is a little short. We encourage work regardless of the deficiency.

The Crime Scene

Poor Stumpy

Peach Pit - Lonely Sole

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Go Chris Mac, GO!

We must not forget that part of this blog is to promote the newly open resort. Erin’s Sleepy Sheepy Resort is having a fairly good turn out considering the location. Thus far, there was one guest in December who stayed only for a short visit. Then there was a guest who stayed in January for sometime. Unfortunately, I had to pay and beg her to come and then she posted that awful post that just came before this when I was knocked out. Now I have one reservation in February and some more potentials.

So to kick this resort in the bud, I’m offering a little bit more. For February there will be sheep races. I know they don’t look very sleepy now but just wait until March when they raced all February. Or when the sheep switch positions. Not sure how D.J. is going to be able to carry Jesse but D.J. has spunk. It will be fun. Book your reservations today before we are all filled up!

Go Sheepy! (Photo by Rick Turner of Devon)

muahaha

Erin's a fool for not logging out of her accounts and letting me sleep in the same room as her computer. I wonder what else she hasn't logged out of....Steph goes exploring....

Peach Pit - Drive Through

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Monster Bride

As some may have notice I have not posted in a while. You see, although I die in Georgia sometimes I am called away to other states. It appears that Georgia is not the only thing that is trying to kill me. Recently (as some of you also know) my brother got married. And as Cinderella’s dad married an evil woman so too has my brother married a Monster Bride who has tried to kill me at every turn. I dedicate this post to her who has requested a new post about everyday that I have not.

O, this bride seemed so innocent at first but it became apparent that she was up to no good soon enough. She didn’t even wait to after the marriage before she started to abuse me. The first instance was when we were getting our picture taken for the wedding. The Monster Bride, a.k.a. Karin Marie NOT to be confused with Erin Marie, tried to kill me by bashing my face in with the butt of her bouquet. Besides the horror of the multiple bashing of my forehead, the water from the stems made my makeup wet.

The wedding proceeded despite the bride’s brutality. During the entire wedding I could feel my feet going numb. I would normally blame the shoes but I have worn them before with no problems. I don’t know how but I am sure that was the bride's fault.

The reception was no different. The bridesmaids were forced to scurry to the reception hall to prepare the way of the bride. Once there the bride continually scared the bridesmaids in front of everyone!

Monster Bride scaring helpless bridesmaid

Then it was time for the bouquet toss. Being an eligible person of the female persuasion, I took my place among all the others for the traditional flower rumble. Taking the customary wide stances in my dress to prepare myself for the untamed havoc that would soon arise. I saw the bride make eye contact with me. She turned her back and then the next thing I knew the flowers were barreling at my face with a force so great I could not believe. I put my hands up to grab the bouquet but I was too late. The flowers had smacked me in the face and bounced to the floor where savages grappled to retrieve the bouquet.

Being that there were many people at this wedding I was able to steer clear of the bride for a while. That was until the dance floor. We met again. I tried not to show fear and continue dancing. Despite my best efforts, the bride could see my fear and head butted me. I held my head in pain. My dancing did not improve.

Finally, the wedding was over and I was able to escape with my life still intact. Unfortunately, the nightmare of the sister-in-law begins. Will I survive the next family function? We shall see.