When Old Women Attack - 2

Okay to make that long equation into a word problem. (I know engineers, stop cringing. It will be okay.)

It was a bright and sunny day in Georgia. I had just finished lunch at my home and was taking the “scenic” route back to work. Minding my own business, I was brutally attacked by an escaped older woman. Well okay, let me start again. That seemed a little vague and evil (more vague than evil).

Like I said I was driving back to work. I was almost there when all of a sudden a car appeared out of nowhere in front of me. I slammed on the brakes but it was no use. The car was only about 2 feet away from my car when it pulled out in front of it. I crashed into the side of the darkly painted Camry. My driver and passenger side airbags deployed. The passenger side bag shattered my windshield. The car filled with smoke and the horn blared uncontrollably. I sat there wondering what had just happed, why that car just darted in front of me, why it was smoking in the car, and what I should do next. I started to cough hysterically from the smoke. I came to my sense and got out of the car.

My eyes followed from my door up to my crinkled hood and my demolished bumper. Then to the other car. The driver was an prehistoric lady that looked as stunned as I did. When she saw me out of my car she attempted to leave hers. However, being that I T-boned her right into the driver side door, her efforts to open it were futile. Finally, she crawled over to the passenger side door where I meet her. I asked her if she was okay, and she said yes. Then she asked me if I was okay, and I said yes. Then she looked at me and said, “Did I stop?” To which I was so stunned and wanted to say “well you have now, honey” but I behaved myself. Then I got to listen to a constant stream of her telling me that the intersection was a bad one.

The less then youthful lady pulled out her phone. I asked her if she was going to call the police. To which she said she didn’t know the number. “911?” I answered but she had already started dialing her husband. I thought that I should have someone come too. But who? I have just moved and I know no one. I thought about calling my friend that was at my house, but he had no wheels. Then I thought I had to call my bosses because they would be expecting me at work any minute. Then I called the police but being new, I didn’t know the name of the road that the slightly younger than dirt lady was on. And being it was Peachtree City I couldn’t find a street sign amongst the trees. Apparently, someone had called it in and the police car pulled up.

Both of us were shuffled into the back of the ambulance where they tested her blood pressure and then mine. The medic said that he would take my pressure over my coat. Knowing that would be worthless, I took my coat off anyway. The police officer came in and asked me for my licenses. As I was digging in my purse another medic asks me to fill out some information. I start to do that, and the police officer starts to tell the fossilized woman where our cars were being towed. I needed to hear this but I was filling out the form and trying to find my purse. Not surprising my blood pressure was through the roof. Not that being in a car accident, moving around, and writing with the same arm as the blood purse machine was on would have anything to do with a 157/97. The medic was very concerned but didn’t do anything. (Just for the record, I just had a 120/80 from the doctor last week.)

The police asked us for our statements. The cavewoman said that she came to the intersection and stopped at her stop sign and then went but didn’t see me. I said “yes, she pulled right in front of me.” To which the mature woman said “well, well she was speeding!” The cop looked at her and said “how do you know she was speeding if you didn’t see her?” To which the prehistoric woman said to the cop, “how do you know she wasn’t if you weren’t even here!?” Yes, I need not talk at all she was doing a fine job digging her own hole. Needless to say, she was sited for failing to yield to on coming traffic. I was not faulted at all. Now I am driving a Mazda that her insurance company is paying for.

Evening Trip to Coldstone

With the recent demise of Ms. Peach's car it has become necessary for a guest to fill in the blog until she can locate a new permanent mode of transportation. In acknowledgement, it seemed only appropriate to reminisce about one of the last eventful trips taken in said car. Below contains the events as remembered during the author's visit to Peachtree City.

The events actually started the day before when during an exploratory trip to Newnan the fearless pair (Ms Peach and Mr. Hawkeye) managed to successfully locate a movie theatre, which was conveniently located next to a Cold Stone Creamery. Well after a mere 24 hours of dreaming about the ice cream, Ms. Peach declared that the evening's plans would include a trip to Cold Stone Creamery.

That evening Ms. Peach and Mr. Hawkeye bounded out the door and up the driveway to the the Mystique always wondering what mystery might be in store for them tonight. They pulled out of the neighborhood and onto the main road running through PTC. Ms. Peach informed Mr. Hawkeye to keep a look out for Cold Stone located somewhere on the right. Not thinking much about it, Mr. Hawkeye delightfully gazed out the window almost tasting the tantalizing ice cream already. Seconds became minutes and Mr. Hawkeye realized that there was no Cold Stone in PTC but instead he would have to survive the drive to Newnan (waiting 15 minutes must be like Chinese water torture when it involves Cold Stone). During this wait it occurs to Mr. Hawkeye that Cold Stone is located on the left hand side of the street, not the right. He very meekly brought this point up to Ms. Peach who very politely informed him that he should remove his foot from his mouth as he was clearly wrong and Cold Stone would be on the right. Mr. Hawkeye is not known for his sense of direction so he politely accepted the statement of Ms. Peach and went back to dreaming of ice cream.

As the pair began to approach the shopping district in Newnan, Mr. Hawkeye realized that all the stores were in fact on the left hand side as he had remembered. So once again he suggested to Ms. Peach that she switch lanes in preparation for taking a left turn into the shopping district. This time Ms. Peach verbally assaulted him asserting that saying Cold Stone was on the left was akin to suggesting the sun rose in the West. Well after a heated confrontation, in which Mr. Hawkeye tried to point out the Chili's where the pair had an eventful lunch the previous afternoon, he sulked into his chair to lick his wounds.

Before long Mr. Hawkeye was vindicated as Ms. Peach realized her error and begrudgingly anointed Mr. Hawkeye king as he so deserved. So you readers may ask where is the death defying story…this is after all a tale of ways that GA is out to kill Ms. Peach. Well here come the fateful events.

Not be sufficiently prepared to turn left, the duo had to make a U-turn (yes perfectly legal, in fact almost encouraged in the state of GA) to back track and head towards the Cold Stone. Headed in the proper direction (and now with Cold Stone on the right side…maybe Ms. Peach was planning this all along…intervesting [strokes pointed beard]) Ms. Peach turns into the entrance for the movie theatre.

The car had traveled no more than 5 feet before the payment gave way to a dirt parking lot filled with car smashing boulders and car eating divots. Mr. Hawkeye was trembling in fear thinking his life would end without even getting to enjoy Cold Stone one last time. Well somehow, Ms. Peach fearlessly navigated the craggy "parking lot" and got the pair back to the main road. However, as they waited another car prepared to turn into the same obis. Sadly, the pair was not able to sufficiently alert this other car in sufficient time and to this day they are not sure whether the car's occupants have been heard from.

When Old Women Attack - 1

Known:

Mercury Mystique mass = 1273.7 kg
delta X = 1 meter
Vxi = 30 miles/hours
Vxf = 0 miles/hours
t = ?

Conversions:

1 mile = 1 kilometer
1000 meters = 1 kilometer
60 seconds = 1 minute
60 minutes = 1 hour
30 miles/hours = 13.40833 meters/second

Equations:

delta X = (1/2)(Vxf – Vxi)t
delta X = (Vxf)t + (1/2)at^2
F = ma

1) t = ?

delta X = (1/2)(Vxf – Vxi)t
1 meter = (1/2)(13.40833 meters/second)t
t = 0.149 second

2) a = ?

delta X = (Vxf)t + (1/2)at^2
1 meter = (13.40833 meters/second)(0.149seconds) + (1/2)a(0.149seconds)^2
a = -89.89 meters/second^2

3) F = ?

F = ma
F = (1273.7 kg)( -89.89 meters/second^2)
F = 114494.8694 N

Or
F = 25,738.45 lb

That is the force I hit her. She walked away. Imagine the force if I was going 50 miles/hours like she says I was. Confused? Wait for new post.