Staplers are dangerous. Who knew?

Well...Washington seems to be a lot safer place than Georgia. Which is great, except that might be detrimental to this blog. But then again...I am Erin. And Jamie pointed out a few post back that I don't mix well with staples. So I thought I would take you on a little trip back to my childhood. Where I was rather dangerous to myself.

Actually, let's start by going back only a few years. I was in college and I brought Jamie home for Thanksgiving break because she lived too far away to go to her own home. Or her parents didn't love her, your pick. So let's set the scene: Jamie, Mom, I, and a few other unimportant people for this story were in the kitchen. And Mom was being a mom and telling Jamie and everyone about what a perfect and angelic child I was. (Hey, my story, my rendition of how it went down.)

Anyway, Mom made a comment about how we would try to talk while being in a different room. This was a HUGE pet peeve of Mom's. If you wanted to talk to her you had better be in the same room as her. None of this "MOM! Come here!" shit. No, not at all.

Which lead me to a story of my own. I was around 5 years old...let's say 4 1/2 so I don't seem so stupid. I was upstairs playing with the stapler. I don't know why. I could say it was because I never had any toys. But let's face it, Mom bought me more Barbies and Barbie crap than I could ever want. So like...one...

Anyway, I was playing with the stapler upstairs in the hallway when all of a sudden...clunk...o. There I was...there was the wooden railing...there was my little finger...and there was a staple through my little finger and railing. Huh...who could have seen that coming? It hurt, I won't lie. I was a little more baffled than injured. I was surprised that a staple would actually go through my finger. But apparently it would.

I tugged at it a little and realized that I was stuck. I mean really stuck. I thought about gnawing off my finger to get free. But let's face it, I was 4 and at that age everyone is a picky eater. So I took a deep breath and yelled "MOOOMMMM!" To which I got the standard reply, "If you want to talk to me, come in here!" from the kitchen. Great, the one thing I couldn't do. I yelled some more things like "I can't" and "Come help me." But I knew I was on my own. No mom to come save me.

So I studied my situation and I slowly and painfully pulled the staple out of the railing and then out of my finger. It hurt, a lot. I imagine that that must have been what it felt like to pull a bullet out of your shoulder. (Yes, I watched Miami Vic with my Dad.) So there I was free. I thought about running down to my Mom and telling how much I was in danger and she didn't come. And then it dawned on me. I stapled myself to the railing. I mean even at 3 1/3 I knew how stupid that was. So if I went to put the guilt trip on Mom I would also have to admit to the dumb thing I did. Who staples herself to the railing? I mean really? So I put the stapler down, cleaned the blood off the railing, hid all other evidence, and picked up a stupid doll. Hmmm...could I staple Barbie to the railing and blame my older brothers? That might be fun...but I better not play with the stapler anymore.

So once I finished telling the story, my wonderful Mother, who stood in the kitchen listening and making Thanksgiving dinner said, "I don't remember you stapling your finger to the railing." To which I quickly replied, "Well no! You wouldn't come help me no matter how loud I screamed!" And she replied back, "Well you know how I feel about you kids yelling at me from the other rooms." Jamie was overly amused.

Car Crash, Take 2

First of all I would like to apologize for my previous post. I was hoped up on NyQuil and barely remember even sitting down to write it. But its part of the blog now so...

Ok, now that that's over, I said I would tell you about my car crash. It had been a while since it happened, but I was just so baffled by my "luck" that I didn't run to blog about it. You see I had been in Seattle for about 2 -3 weeks and I already had been to the Toyota Dealership too many time.

First, I went there to get my oil changed. As you can imagine driving across the country takes it out on a car. Then I got in the mail a recall. O yes, I drove across the country only to get a forward recall on my car in the mail. How awesome is that? Then I had to get new plates for my car and I didn't have any holes in the front of my car to put the plates on. Well, I figured what was one more trip to the dealership. I mean I was starting to think I should get a little pop-up tent and move in there.

Anyway, I was driving to the dealership, a route I knew well, when I came to this intersection. It was a busy intersection and I could see the cars in front of me slowing down on the other side of the intersection. I figured I better slow down and stop before I got into the middle of the intersection or I would be stuck in the middle with a red light. So I stopped...but the car behind me didn't.

WACK

OMG!

It happened again! What!? Do I have a big ass bumper stick on my car that has a target and says "Hit me I love dealing with my insurance agent!" So I just sat there at the light. Imagining all the bends and breaks that could be in my poor little car's bumper. And I was thinking of how I was going to have to deal with another person's crazy idea on how this accident was somehow my fault.

Then the guy that hit me got out of his car and walked up to my window. I hesitated and rolled down the window. The guy said "I'm SO SO SORRY!" Well that was unexpected...my poor car, do I even want to see how bad it was? They guy told me to pull into the next driveway so we could sort things out.

I was really worried. I mean it was bad enough to get in an accident, but I just got this car AND I was in a new city. I had no idea how to get around, I didn't know where I could get a new car, I didn't even have a clue of who I could call if I needed to be picked up.

When I pulled in I finally got the courage to look at my bumper. I got out of my car and the guy was in my face telling me how sorry he was, how he spilled something on himself. He looked down and when he looked up it was too late. Thanks a LOT Starbucks. I must admit I was about to laugh at him. He just kept apologizing. It didn't make sense. Didn't he know he wasn't supposed to admit guilt even if it was completely obvious.

But anyway, I got to the back of my car and there was no damage. I was surprised how hard he hit me that there was no damage. He gave me his card and told me that the address was old and the email didn't work. All very comforting. But I went on my way and had the dealership check it out. No damage they said. Which was great. But then they did a number on my front bumper putting my plates on. My poor car.

Just a Thought: My Hair

So I was thinking today and decided to share. Not a normal post but hey...I own the blog...I can change the rules if I want. If you don't like it...well you can just...read more. And comment! That'll show me. For sure.

Anyway, my hair. If you know me, you know this is a ongoing trial in my life. I have hair. I always have had hair. Born with a full head of big bushy black hair. Looked like a little baby Einstein. I swear. Now that I am older I have full head of thin, "baby-fine," blond hair. Yah, I don't know what happened. Anyway, what do you do with a head of hair like that? A bob...that's it. Anything less looks like I am bald and just took a yellow crayon to my scalp. And hairdressers have no idea what to do with me. Some suggest a perm is what to go...some say a perm would make it worse...Some suggest I shave it all off and let it grow back thicker. Except they don't realize I have 2 older brothers. Too many dents in the old noggin to be sporting the bald look.

Anyway, I also shed constantly! I don't know where all this hair is coming from. My roommate used to say that it was like living with a cat. And she would accuse me of trying to put all my hair in the sink. I swear I don't try. It just happens. I thought about gluing it back to my head...but I never was that good with the Elmers.

So since my move I think I have been shedding more and more. I am starting to get annoyed with my shedding. Which takes a lot. I mean how annoying do you have to be when you don't even want to live with yourself. At last, I am stuck with me.

So this all really related to me brushing my teeth. Don't even get me started on my teeth. But anywho, you ever be brushing your teeth and have a hair stuck in your toothbrush. And you feel it as you move the brush back and forth. So at that point one of two things happen. You, one, take the brush out and have to pull this hair off your toothbrush. Which is always pleasant. Or two, take the brush out and realize the hair is still in your mouth. Now you have to pull the long strand out of your mouth. And of course it is full of drool and toothpaste. What could be better? And of course it is 3x longer then your longest strand of hair on your head. And you feel like you just joined the circus pulling a sword or something out of your mouth. And then what do you do with it?

Well I decided that that was enough. I have decided to choose to believe that the hair is a good thing while I brush. It is actually like doing two tasks at once. If I leave the hair alone while I brush it is like flossing while I brush....right? I mean really what is the difference? I just pretend I went organic...save the whales and all that crap...and use my hair as floss. And you can image the time it saves me. So that is all cool right? I mean my logic is sound...well, it was just a thought.

Super Fly's cousin

Seattle has been treating me pretty good. Nothing too exciting. I did get in a car accident but we'll talk about that later. Yesterday I just decided to stay inside and relax. You know...one of those days where you hang out in your pjs all day and watch tv. So I was off to a good start. I was chatting online watching tv when I felt this itchy feeling on my foot. I looked down there was this bug on my foot. The thing was over an inch long with a billion little legs. This huge black and yellow thing was trying to gnaw my foot off. And now my neighbors knew it, too.

I flipped the bug off and then I grabbed the first paper thing in my hand (my bank statement envelop). I smacked the paper on top of the bug and did the universal squishing motion to kill it. Then I tossed the trash can on top of it just to be safe.

There is a evil bug under here. Stand back.

So like any very emotional girl I left the bug under the bucket and got online to ask my guy friends to come and take care of it. They all said no. Apparently I am not worth the flight from Iowa to Seattle. Losers. So I was stuck dealing with it myself or redecorating so that the trash can looked good sitting in the middle of the room.

Well I pulled off the can and lifted the paper and O MY GOD the thing was still moving. Moving towards me at a rapid rate! I tossed the paper back on it and showed the little bugger what I got for 6 years of engineering school.

Did someone wanted to play Erin's version of the Princess and the Pea?

I figured that would kill me so it should kill the bug. I pushed down on the books and went back to my chatting for a while. Then I decided I should clean up. But who wants to clean up bug guts? :P So I start to unpack and once I get to the bottom of my pile of knowledge I hear this noise. It started to get louder. And I realized it was coming from under my envelope. Are you kidding me!? I couldn't believe it; there is no way this thing is still alive.

Someone else look; I can't do it.

So I mustered up the guts to look under the paper. The bug was there, alive, buzzing and moving around. That's it! Its not the first time I have killed a bug and I don't know why this one won't die. So I pulled out the big guns or rather my hammer. I put down a paper towel and went to town on that bugs little ass. I'm sure my neighbor below me loves me now. But I got the little bugger...I think.

Bug, meet Mr. Hammer.

Mr. Hammer, meet BugBug, your new home, the toilet.

And then it was done. Well, the bug was dead but I think I need to go though therapy. Last night I didn't sleep a wink. Every time I felt something I thought it was a bug. I woke up with my pj bottoms on backwards. Don't ask. Its better to let it die in the past.

Act now and get your own Erin Bug Killing Kit

in the mail for only $2000 plus shipping and Handling!

Tour de Sleepy Sheepy Resort

I made a video of the Sheepy Sleepy Resort. If you didn't get a link to the video and want one let me know and I'll send it to you. Comments on the video are always welcome. :) Enjoy!

Fruit Change

Click to enlarge

Sheepy in Seattle

Jesse, Chris, and DJ at the Space Needle.

Just so everyone knows, I didn't die. I got a job and move out to Redmond, Washington. Which is the east side of Seattle. We all like it here. So the Sleepy Sheepy Resort has not closed, it just moved. Come visit us in Seattle!!!

Goodbye

I know it has been a while since my last post. And I have gotten a few complaints about not being more regular. I'm not sure you can get a prescription for irregular posting. But no matter, because this will probably be my last post. In the next month I might toss something else up if the fancy strikes me. But I wouldn't hold my breath if I was you.

Yesterday, I was laid off work due to the "difficult economic period." Thank god Bush has signed off so I can get my $600 in July to spend it on a wild shopping spree. Otherwise, I don't know what I would have done. Well...I guess this means that Georgia really did win. I didn't quite get to my 1000 ways but I hung on for 1 year and 8 months. I think that might be a record. It is a lot longer than 8 seconds. Where the hell is my beltbuckel?

Pimp my Cart

And you thought the Geek Squad couldn't get any geekier...

Hmmm...Is it wrong to want to break something just so I can get a visit from a geek in a cart?

Or maybe to get them to pimp my ride.

Wait...do you think they pimped this one?

And a cart that needs it now.

(O and if you don't think there is enough carts in town for this business check out 4th of July, 2007.)

Just another thriling Thursday.

Sorry it has been awhile since my last post. I bet you all were wondering if Georgia finally got me. Nope, I'm a surviver and still going. But let me remind you of a Day in the Life of Erin.

Thursday Morning:

I got up and was running a little late. Nothing new for a Thursday morning. After a quick shower, I put the kettle on for some tea. I went back into the bathroom to put my face on. After a while, I could hear "clinking." It reminded me of tempering metal. I went in the kitchen to check on my kettle and walked in on a ball of flames on the stove. In my rush, I had left the towel on the kettle. Now more a ball of flames than a towel.

My first thought was to grab the fire extinguisher and put out the fire. After about a nanosecond, I completely dismissed the idea. I wasn't going to clean up that mess. I don't have a housekeeper. So I turned off the burner and looked to the sink. Tossing the dirty dishes out, I figured I could maneuver the fire to the sink where I could put water on it.

I went to the drawer to grab my tongs. Standing there with my face about 3 inches from the flames I realized that I have no idea when the last time I used my tongs nor where they were. No problem, I just needed to find two metal utensils. Surely I would have something. Nope, all plastic. I grabbed my only metal utensils, a cheese grater and a non-electric hand mixer.

Slowly, I waked barefoot over the rug with my flaming pile of clothe between my two oddly shaped utensils hoping not to drop anything. I made it to the sink and the fire was out. Too bad the smoke would last for days as my exhaust fan is broken. Ok, time to go to work.

Thursday Lunch:

I figured that I should go out to eat as my little kitchen disaster was still ingrained into my smoky hair. I drove to Partner's Pizza, the local must eat restaurant. The parking lot was packed, like always. I found a spot and pulled in between a car hugging it's line and a van on the other line. It was ok, I don't have a large car and the parking spaces are fairly big. I get out and the van window rolls down and there is a lady and a small girl in it. The lady proceeds to yell at me...

Lady: Your too close to my car! Your six inches from my car!

I was not that close to the van. I could walk between it and my car. But I walk over because hey...I'm slightly masikistic. I did move to Georgia after all.

Me: Is there a problem?
Lady: Your too close to my van!
Me: Well, I am within my lines. Your the one that backed your van in poorly and on top of the line.
Lady: Well the car next to me was poorly parked so I had to park bad too.
Me: Um...ok what do you want me to do?
Lady: Well no one can get in the van.
Me: Do you have people coming to get in your van? (as I didn't really understand why she was just parked and sitting in the parking lot.)
Lady: Well I don't want to hit you. It would be bad if I scrapped the side of your car pulling out.
Me: Um...do you want me to move my car?
Lady: No no...I just don't think I can get her (little girl) in her car seat. I guess I will just have to pull out and then put her in her car seat.
Me: Do you want me to move my car, because I will if you want me to.
Lady: No No...I guess I will just have to pull out of the stall straight.
Me: Um...ok. (Like how else was she planning on getting out of the stale?)

I turned and walked away. The van stayed by my car until I got up to pay for my lunch. I can report that I had no scratches on my car. Good thing for that crazy lady.

Thursday Evening:

I closed up the office and was on my way outside to go home when all of a sudden the helicopter landed in the parking lot. Ug...I had to get going to make it to the gym. So I get in my car and wait. Is this guy going to turn off the blades or what? Well finally I gave up and just start my car. I slowly maneuver under the turning blades as the pilot looks at me. "Yeah, buddy this is a parking lot not a landing pad," I said to him knowing that he can't hear me. I ran off to the gym and hoped I can manage not to punch myself in the face during kickboxing. Then home to hid under my bed and wait for the next exciting day to start.