Mom killed JFK

I can’t hide it anymore! I know this is not the normal story I tell on this blog but it must be told. All the years I was trying to cover it up by spreading conspiracy theories have come to an end. No more 2^nd shooter. No more grassy knoll. No, the truth is my mom is responsible for the death of our 35th president of the United States of America. I know, I know how could I hide it for so long and what finally made me crack?

The Church got me. You see I went home to be with family for the holidays. During mass the priest mentioned that this Thanksgiving marked the 44^th anniversary of JFK’s death. Of course when we went home everyone started talking about where they were when JFK was shot. All was good until my mom told her story.

My mother was in 1^st grade when it happened. An older boy came to her classroom and announced that the president was shot. No other details were given. The nun told all the kids to pray. They had to pray really hard that JFK was shot in the foot. And as you know, JFK was not shot in the foot.

You see if mom had prayed harder and truly believed that bullet would have left his head and went to the foot. It would have been a miracle! The brain surgeons would have been relieved and the foot doctors could have taken over. But NO my mom didn’t pray hard enough. She didn’t believe strong enough. Her faith was too weak. And thus because of her inadequacies she let JFK die. God was testing my mom and her 1^st grade class. And they failed.

Later my aunt would ask mom if she felt bad about killing JFK. My mom told my aunt that she didn’t for the last 44 years but now that I pointed it out she did. At least she still has her Catholic guilt. I thanked her for teaching me how to distribute it out so well.